getting help: how to help a friend
why stay? | helping a friend | resources
Why is dating violence relevant to me?
Even when people do not seek professional help, many choose to talk to friends about relationship violence. Whether or not you have personally experienced dating violence, chances are at least one of your friends will. Be prepared to help your friends.
What are some common misconceptions about dating violence dynamics?
Individuals who find themselves involved in a violent relationship often misinterpret their partner's violence as uncontrollable jealousy that results from intense feelings of love.
Both men and women in violent relationships tend to perceive their own relationship as more intimate than non-violent relationships.
If you know someone is being abused
- Ask direct questions, gently. Give the person ample
opportunity to talk. Don't rush into providing solutions.
- Listen without judging.
- Believe what they tell you. It will have taken
a lot of time for them to talk to you and trust you.
- Explain that physical violence in a relationship
is never acceptable, at any time. There's no excuse for it-not alcohol
or drugs, not financial pressures, not depressions, not jealousy.
- Tell them that the abuse is not their fault and
that no one deserves to be abused.
- Let the person know that, in spite of the partner's
promises, the violence is likely to continue and probably escalate.
- Emphasize that, if it becomes necessary, it is
possible to make a choice to leave the relationship, and help is available.
- Provide your friend information about campus and
community resources.
- If the person chooses to remain in the relationship,
continue to be a friend, while at the same time firmly communicating
that no one deserves to be an abusive situation.
- If you see or hear an assault in progress, call
the police. Do not intervene. These assaults are often dangerous.
- If you feel overwhelmed or frightened yourself,
GET HELP! Talk to someone or make an appointment at CAPS.